So, this year has been full of my life not going as planned. Not living where I thought I would be, not doing what I thought I would be, not accepted where I thought I would be. There is more, but the bottom line is that nothing is as I hoped. Don't click away yet - this post isn't a rant. Incoherent and disjointed, perhaps, but not a rant.
The very first professor I worked for said to me, regarding future PIs: "It's okay to fall once in awhile, as long as you pick something up off the ground before getting back up." As you can tell, this can easily apply to other things in life.
I spent the majority of my time since September in a rut. Lost weight, gained it back, gained some extra, did a lot of whining, ate a lot of cheese with that whine... and what not. I've learned to just let it go. Until now I've been so caught up in this "life is about the journey" bullshit that I planned out each step of the journey so that it'd give me exactly what I want. But that doesn't work. I think it's best for me to just keep a bigger picture in mind, and take life day by day to go towards that goal. As far as the details, I guess I just have to take a leap of faith. Like that? Clever, isn't it? Incorporating the title into the post like that? Yeah?... quite clever indeed.
Anyway, now that I've come to this obvious realization, I am comfortable with it. My academic decisions so far (major, medicine, and decision to pursue grad school) were complete leaps of faith. In all cases, I had no idea what to expect and wasn't concerned with negative consequences. They just felt really right at the time, and nothing stood out as terribly wrong with them. These were also some of the best decisions in my life. I'm sure there are other decisions that I just didn't think through at all that turned out horribly... those were leaps of stupid, not faith.
It feels good though. Looking into the giant question mark that is my future less than three months from now, it feels good telling myself, "Whatever works out will be good," and actually believing it.
The very first professor I worked for said to me, regarding future PIs: "It's okay to fall once in awhile, as long as you pick something up off the ground before getting back up." As you can tell, this can easily apply to other things in life.
I spent the majority of my time since September in a rut. Lost weight, gained it back, gained some extra, did a lot of whining, ate a lot of cheese with that whine... and what not. I've learned to just let it go. Until now I've been so caught up in this "life is about the journey" bullshit that I planned out each step of the journey so that it'd give me exactly what I want. But that doesn't work. I think it's best for me to just keep a bigger picture in mind, and take life day by day to go towards that goal. As far as the details, I guess I just have to take a leap of faith. Like that? Clever, isn't it? Incorporating the title into the post like that? Yeah?... quite clever indeed.
Anyway, now that I've come to this obvious realization, I am comfortable with it. My academic decisions so far (major, medicine, and decision to pursue grad school) were complete leaps of faith. In all cases, I had no idea what to expect and wasn't concerned with negative consequences. They just felt really right at the time, and nothing stood out as terribly wrong with them. These were also some of the best decisions in my life. I'm sure there are other decisions that I just didn't think through at all that turned out horribly... those were leaps of stupid, not faith.
It feels good though. Looking into the giant question mark that is my future less than three months from now, it feels good telling myself, "Whatever works out will be good," and actually believing it.
