I don't have a niche, and I don't know if that's okay. Right now I don't feel good about it. At this point I've moved cross-country three times, and it's taking its toll. When I went to Boston it was like "You can take the girl out of California but you can't take California out of the girl!" or whatever. Then I reluctantly moved back to California, leaving a part of myself in Boston and bringing a part of Boston back with me. Then with a week's notice I picked up and moved to New York and I've started to embrace living here too. I guess I'm just realizing how much where I live and where I have lived contribute to my sense of identity. I also realize that I'm probably going to move again in three years, but who knows where.
There are other things too. In my posts from last year I wrote about how my personality changed once I moved here, and while I feel like I found a balance I am still somehow unsettled. Perhaps I'm getting to a point where I'd appreciate some stability in my life and I'm not sure where to find it. The things that brought me comfort before don't anymore, and I'm at a loss for where to look. I always felt that my community was my anchor, and everywhere I go I build a new community. And every time I go somewhere, people fall behind. With so many friends coming and going, I almost expect that the people who I am close to now probably won't be close to me on any long-term basis, because life will make us part ways at some point anyway. That's the part I don't like. It's isolating.
One solution is to just not let this be an issue, live in the moment and enjoy who I have today. While this is an attractive option, I really have no clue how to do it. I've become wired to think about the future with almost everything I do, and I don't know how to turn that off. What I want more than that is to stop being such a nomad. But that's out of my control at this point. I don't know, I guess things will work themselves out somehow like they always do.
There are other things too. In my posts from last year I wrote about how my personality changed once I moved here, and while I feel like I found a balance I am still somehow unsettled. Perhaps I'm getting to a point where I'd appreciate some stability in my life and I'm not sure where to find it. The things that brought me comfort before don't anymore, and I'm at a loss for where to look. I always felt that my community was my anchor, and everywhere I go I build a new community. And every time I go somewhere, people fall behind. With so many friends coming and going, I almost expect that the people who I am close to now probably won't be close to me on any long-term basis, because life will make us part ways at some point anyway. That's the part I don't like. It's isolating.
One solution is to just not let this be an issue, live in the moment and enjoy who I have today. While this is an attractive option, I really have no clue how to do it. I've become wired to think about the future with almost everything I do, and I don't know how to turn that off. What I want more than that is to stop being such a nomad. But that's out of my control at this point. I don't know, I guess things will work themselves out somehow like they always do.
