I'm all riled up these days and I'm not sure exactly why. I feel like a bird with ruffled feathers that can't smoothen them out and just be. I think all the stuff I have coming up in the next month and a half is getting to my nerves.
It hasn't sunken in yet that I'm moving out of the state for a year (at least). It's going to be a huge change, leaving the state and all. So far, the longest time I spent away from home was when I went to New York for about a month during the summer after my freshman year to get my foot in the door with research. Before that and afterwards, I've generally gone home about every two weeks or so. Coming home every two weeks from Boston definitely won't happen. I'm a little concerned about how the dynamics of my family will change. It's always been my brother going out and seeing the world and just plain not being home. Before it was for debate, now he's out for law school... it's just the way it's been. And I've been home. I have a feeling that the empty nest syndrome will hit my parents pretty hard, particularly my mother. I hope they get past it quickly and use it as an opportunity to get closer to each other; I would really love to see that happen. Leaving the state definitely has me a bit ruffled.
It hasn't even sunken in yet that I'm leaving Davis. I went to the library yesterday because it was too damn hot to stay at home; it was my first time there since Spring quarter finals. I felt right at home, but I still left after about an hour because I was spooked by how empty it was. I haven't had sushi at Nobu for awhile either, I'm really starting to miss that place. God, I love Alaska Rolls. My sushi buddies have already left Davis, one for the summer and the other permanently, leaving me with no one to spontaneously grab some sushi with. On top of that, there are a few people who I am accustomed to seeing or talking to every day, and a lot of that is based on my actually being here. These are people I've seen/talked to every day for years now, so that will be quite an adjustment. I'm not so anxious about leaving the lab anymore. I'm getting to the point where I feel like it's a good time for me to go. A lot is changing over there as it is; by the time I leave, not a single person who was there when I arrived will still be around (aside from my bosses).
I hope I'm able to find good friends in Boston... I'm not the kind of person who can sit by herself for a year and be happy with that. On top of that, I'm trying to complete a two year program in half the time. I'll be honest, I'm very intimidated by that idea. Not only do I have to complete the program, I need to complete it really really well in order for my degree to be worth anything later. It'll be quite a challenge. So far I've believed that nothing will be thrown my way that I can't handle; I hope I still believe that a year from now. Ruffle ruffle.
Now, for some reason I hate to admit this, but I honestly think that I will be at least engaged to someone sometime in the next two years. This has been on my mind a lot lately, I think because my parents keep bringing it up. Either about me or my brother or one of my cousins... it's just the wedding season I guess. A part of me feels pressure to find someone, and I don't like feeling this way. The simple answer to that is "Well, don't feel that way then," but I'm not sure if I know how to do that. I think I've been putting this pressure on myself for awhile and managed to push it away a lot of the time. I don't know, I really don't know what to make of all this. It feels like a waste of time to think about - things will happen when they are supposed to and that's that. But it won't get off my mind either. Ruffle.
It really seems like all of this is a waste of time to think about. I still have the MCAT in August and that's where my attention needs to go. That's just the story of my life, though. What needs to be done eventually gets done, but on the way my attention goes to every other channel possible. I hope the MCAT still goes well for me, I really need it to. It'd be so great if I could just shake off everything I'm thinking about for the next five weeks, smooth out my feathers and just take off.
It hasn't sunken in yet that I'm moving out of the state for a year (at least). It's going to be a huge change, leaving the state and all. So far, the longest time I spent away from home was when I went to New York for about a month during the summer after my freshman year to get my foot in the door with research. Before that and afterwards, I've generally gone home about every two weeks or so. Coming home every two weeks from Boston definitely won't happen. I'm a little concerned about how the dynamics of my family will change. It's always been my brother going out and seeing the world and just plain not being home. Before it was for debate, now he's out for law school... it's just the way it's been. And I've been home. I have a feeling that the empty nest syndrome will hit my parents pretty hard, particularly my mother. I hope they get past it quickly and use it as an opportunity to get closer to each other; I would really love to see that happen. Leaving the state definitely has me a bit ruffled.
It hasn't even sunken in yet that I'm leaving Davis. I went to the library yesterday because it was too damn hot to stay at home; it was my first time there since Spring quarter finals. I felt right at home, but I still left after about an hour because I was spooked by how empty it was. I haven't had sushi at Nobu for awhile either, I'm really starting to miss that place. God, I love Alaska Rolls. My sushi buddies have already left Davis, one for the summer and the other permanently, leaving me with no one to spontaneously grab some sushi with. On top of that, there are a few people who I am accustomed to seeing or talking to every day, and a lot of that is based on my actually being here. These are people I've seen/talked to every day for years now, so that will be quite an adjustment. I'm not so anxious about leaving the lab anymore. I'm getting to the point where I feel like it's a good time for me to go. A lot is changing over there as it is; by the time I leave, not a single person who was there when I arrived will still be around (aside from my bosses).
I hope I'm able to find good friends in Boston... I'm not the kind of person who can sit by herself for a year and be happy with that. On top of that, I'm trying to complete a two year program in half the time. I'll be honest, I'm very intimidated by that idea. Not only do I have to complete the program, I need to complete it really really well in order for my degree to be worth anything later. It'll be quite a challenge. So far I've believed that nothing will be thrown my way that I can't handle; I hope I still believe that a year from now. Ruffle ruffle.
Now, for some reason I hate to admit this, but I honestly think that I will be at least engaged to someone sometime in the next two years. This has been on my mind a lot lately, I think because my parents keep bringing it up. Either about me or my brother or one of my cousins... it's just the wedding season I guess. A part of me feels pressure to find someone, and I don't like feeling this way. The simple answer to that is "Well, don't feel that way then," but I'm not sure if I know how to do that. I think I've been putting this pressure on myself for awhile and managed to push it away a lot of the time. I don't know, I really don't know what to make of all this. It feels like a waste of time to think about - things will happen when they are supposed to and that's that. But it won't get off my mind either. Ruffle.
It really seems like all of this is a waste of time to think about. I still have the MCAT in August and that's where my attention needs to go. That's just the story of my life, though. What needs to be done eventually gets done, but on the way my attention goes to every other channel possible. I hope the MCAT still goes well for me, I really need it to. It'd be so great if I could just shake off everything I'm thinking about for the next five weeks, smooth out my feathers and just take off.
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