So I am a first year medical student at SUNY Downstate in Brooklyn. I'm ecstatic about being here, and I chose this school because they were the only U.S. medical school to let me in. Though I might've chosen to come here over other schools I interviewed at if they also let me in. My class was encouraged multiple times to start a journal to track ourselves throughout school, so that's what I am going to do here for awhile. Let's see where it goes.
I definitely still don't completely believe that I got in. What a journey... Waiting for life to happen is by far the worst way to spend it, and I learned that the hard way. But at least I got to where I want to be. I feel very unsettled and it hasn't hit me yet that I moved out of California. Till this week I've been surrounded by my immediate and extended family, and even some friends from California over the past weekend. I guess those nine days to pack up my life, say goodbye and move didn't leave much time for me to internalize everything.
During the White Coat Ceremony, I had a moment where I looked around and thought to myself, "Do I really want to be here? Everyone keeps saying this is hard... do I really want to do that to myself? I could totally quit and go to beauty school and just start a salon and that would be great." Haha. It seems ridiculous that after making getting here my goal for the last 3 - 4 years I would have doubts now. It seems like it's more panic than actual doubt, mixed in with some lingering disbelief. Prior to getting the phone call that changed my life, I was pretty comfortable lounging around my parents' place in San Jose, looking for a job, and possibly another career plan if I didn't want to reapply to med schools (which I didn't).
I am excited though. I really did miss studying over the last year, so it'll be good to see how I fare after so much time off. And learning things would be cool too.
I definitely still don't completely believe that I got in. What a journey... Waiting for life to happen is by far the worst way to spend it, and I learned that the hard way. But at least I got to where I want to be. I feel very unsettled and it hasn't hit me yet that I moved out of California. Till this week I've been surrounded by my immediate and extended family, and even some friends from California over the past weekend. I guess those nine days to pack up my life, say goodbye and move didn't leave much time for me to internalize everything.
During the White Coat Ceremony, I had a moment where I looked around and thought to myself, "Do I really want to be here? Everyone keeps saying this is hard... do I really want to do that to myself? I could totally quit and go to beauty school and just start a salon and that would be great." Haha. It seems ridiculous that after making getting here my goal for the last 3 - 4 years I would have doubts now. It seems like it's more panic than actual doubt, mixed in with some lingering disbelief. Prior to getting the phone call that changed my life, I was pretty comfortable lounging around my parents' place in San Jose, looking for a job, and possibly another career plan if I didn't want to reapply to med schools (which I didn't).
I am excited though. I really did miss studying over the last year, so it'll be good to see how I fare after so much time off. And learning things would be cool too.
1 comment:
I feel/felt exactly like you on this. Crazy to get in at all! and also crazy to have doubts about the whole thing just when orientation started. Like, what the hell was I thinking? I want to be a doctor? I have found this first week so hard cause it feels like culture shock... now that I'm getting used to the idea of devoting my life for the next few years to the library, I am starting to see again why I wanted to be here. It's the contrast in lifestyle that's so tough right now. OK, I am actually headed to the library right now, so see you in a minute. HA!
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